


Twenty Four Hours

by lawdawg95



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternative History for Felicity Smoak, Other, Post Episode 2:20 -- AU thereafter, loss of a child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 04:52:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2495132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawdawg95/pseuds/lawdawg95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate History of Felicity Smoak as she confronts Oliver Queen after the death of his mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twenty Four Hours

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story a while back and recently discovered it again. Felicity's history is totally fabricated.
> 
> I do not have any ownership rights to any of the characters in Arrow.

In just 24 hours his whole life had changed. Oliver woke up yesterday thinking he would ask his girlfriend to move in with him and work on reconciling his relationship with his mother and sister. He ended the day with his girlfriend and his mother gone. Sara broke up with him and left but not before telling him that he deserved better than her. She said he deserved someone who could harness the light inside of him. Oliver was not sure how much light was left inside, he didn’t see it. 

Then Slade Wilson killed his mother and probably extinguished whatever light there may have been left. Moria sacrificed herself for him. She offered herself up to Slade so Oliver would not have to chose between his mother and his sister. The only good thing that came of his mother’s death is that Thea realized how much her mother, and her brother, truly loved her. Oliver is pretty certain Thea doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about the silver lining. He imagines Thea would rather spend a lifetime of passive aggressive exchanges with their mother than have watched Moira die by sword in front of her. Hey but at least she knows her mother loved her. Oliver would never be able to erase the image of his mother falling to the ground after having her heart pierced by Slade. Nor would he ever forget Thea’s heart wrenching wail as she saw their mother die.

Oliver thought he could help Roy. He thought he was helping him get control of his anger and harness the mirakuru. Instead Slade has caused Roy to change yet again, this time into a killer. Roy is quite obviously no longer in control of himself. He killed a police officer and attacked Thea and Diggle. Roy would never intentionally harm Thea or Digg. The mirakuru has turned Roy into someone else. Oliver promised Roy he would help him – he is now in a drug induced coma. Roy was just someone else who Oliver failed.

Oliver stands in the Foundry and looks at the bag at his feet. He is going to run away. Not for the same reasons he ran after Tommy died. This time he is running to protect others. If Slade intends to make him suffer by watching those he loves die or change into versions of themselves he does not recognize, Oliver will leave. Perhaps if he takes away Slade’s audience it will end the show. Oliver would rather leave Starling City and everyone and everything he cares about in an effort to protect them than risk one more person. He reasons it would be better for everyone to deal with the heartache of his loss than for him to watch one more person die. He is no longer sure he can defeat Slade and his mirakuru army will make him all that more difficult an opponent. He has lost Sara and Roy and he won’t risk Felicity and Diggle. He begins to wonder if Slade is fulfilling his promise after all. He is tormenting Oliver and everyone around him will suffer.

The sound of her heels hitting the stairs draws Oliver’s attention. “Oliver? Are you down here Oliver?” She asks, and he can hear the panic in her voice.

“Yes, Felicity.”

“Oh thank God you are here.” She rushes towards him and he embraces her. For the first time in 24 hours he feels safe enough to feel the pain, and he begins to cry. He holds on to Felicity as if he might blow apart if he let go. He buries his face into her neck and she feels his tears and hears his sobs. Felicity offers him the only comfort she can by stroking his hair and telling him repeatedly that everything is going to be ok. The tears stream down her face, but she remains strong for him. She holds him for what seems like hours, until he is silent and has no more tears. He pulls away wiping his eyes. He knows Felicity will never judge him for this moment and she will never bring it up again. He looks into her eyes and tells her “Thank you”.

She sees the pain, less than before, but still all consuming. “Anytime” is her only reply. She sends Digg a text to let him know she found Oliver. Digg says he is on his way and should be there in a couple of minutes. Felicity excuses herself to try and splash some water on her face.

She comes back and Oliver is still leaning against her desk, where she left him several minutes ago. She knows Digg will be there any second then he can stay with Roy, and she will bring Oliver home with her. Then she glances down and sees his bag.

“What is that Oliver?”

His eyes follow her light of sight, but he doesn’t answer.

“I said – what the fuck is that bag doing here Oliver? “

Again he does not answer.

“If you think I am going to let you run away again you are mistaken. Oliver you said that we were partners. That we – you, me and Digg – we are a team. You cannot leave. I won’t let you.”

“Felicity -- I have to go. It is the only way I can protect you. I have to take away Slade’s audience. Maybe he will stop this madness.”

Just then Diggle comes down the stairs into the Foundry. He can tell that he has walked in on the middle of something so he just walks in silently. Both Oliver and Felicity see him but say nothing.

Felicity picks up their conversation. “The only way to stop Slade is if you are here. He will not stop if you leave town. He will tear this city up until you return Oliver. No one would be safe. Slade has planned this twisted revenge for five years. Do you really think he would let your absence upset his course? I understand why you feel the way you do, but I don’t think you have thought this through. And Oliver – stop trying to protect me. I make my own decisions.”

“My Mom died Felicity. She died because of me. She died for me.”

Diggle spoke up “No, Oliver, she died because of Slade. He is the sick twisted son of a bitch who put your Mom in that situation.” 

Felicity agreed. “Digg is right. Moria died because of Slade, not because of you. Slade knew your mother would do exactly what she did. He planned for her to do it. Moria may have been a lot of things, you know we had our differences, but I always respected how much she loved her children.”

“I should have died instead. My Mom should not have died. It should not have been her.”

“What was the alternative? You or Thea? Sure the best would have been Slade meeting his end last night, but you were in no position to fight Slade last night. It should not have happened at all Oliver.”

“Oliver, man, you have got to know this was not your fault.” Digg was trying to comfort his friend, but it was the truth. Oliver still had so much pain, it was unlikely he even heard them.

“It was not your fault, but I can promise you Oliver no mother would want their child to die for them, especially not your Mom.” Felicity said. 

“How do you know it wouldn’t have been better for everyone if I died last night?” Oliver’s question was innocent enough but it stirred memories in Felicity that she did not want to visit.

“Thea would still have a mother. They would have been better off if I never came back from that damn island.” His voice sounded so tired and defeated.

“Oliver that is bullshit and you know it. You mom buried you once. I am not sure she would have survived it a second time. She got two more years with you. Moria had one goal last night – to do everything possible to try and save her children. She did it, Oliver.  
She saved you and Thea. A parent would do anything or give anything for their child.”

“I don’t know, Felicity. I don’t know.” His voice was getting louder now, in frustration.

“I do.”

“How – how can you be so sure Felicity? It may have better for her, for everyone if I died. There is no way that you can know that it wouldn’t have been better.” He raised his voice to an all out shout now. Not because he was angry with her, but because he was hurt and angry in general.

Felicity raised her voice in kind – she was yelling. “I know Oliver.”

“How Felicity, how can you be so sure – if I died last night maybe this whole nightmare would be over. Finally over. How do you know my mother wouldn’t have preferred that choice?”

“Oliver stop – just -- I know!!”

“You cannot be certain about this – how would you know?”

“I KNOW OLIVER!!!! I KNOW because I would give anything to have spared my daughter, but no one gave me that choice. I didn’t get a choice like Moria. I would have traded places with her in an instant. I would have died a thousand deaths to have her live for just one more day. I would have made any deal for it to be me in that coffin instead of her. I didn’t get a deal Oliver. I just got the memory of her tiny broken lifeless body. When I begged – I BEGGED-- for my own coffin, no one would grant me my wish. Her Dad, my husband, was lucky, he got to go with her. He got to go with our baby girl and never experience the hell of trying to figure out how to live without her. I was forced to stay -- alone.” The tears were flowing and she was now screaming in a voice that sounded more akin to the howl of a wounded animal. “No mother deserves that memory. No mother wants to bury her child. If Moria had to do that twice – there is no way to survive that Oliver. Watching my daughter die was the most painful thing I will ever endure and I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. You have no idea the pain you are wishing your mother Oliver. DO you realize what you are even saying? Your death would have been the end of her. She made a sacrifice for you and Thea – don’t make it meaningless. Don’t let Slade take away the most selfless gift Moria had to give you.” 

Diggle just stared at Felicity as she collapsed into Oliver with sobs wracking her body at this point. It was his turn to hold her, and he did. Neither of them had any idea Felicity had suffered and experienced so much pain. Oliver thought to himself, how could he not know that Felicity had a child at some point and that her child died? Not only that, but her husband also died. Felicity had been married. It must have been some accident. They worked so closely spending most of their time together. How did she conceal this tragedy? No that was wrong, this is so much more than that, the death of a child and spouse was a monumental life altering event. It was more of a blanket blocking the sun from ever shining again. Felicity didn’t seem like she had that been touched by that much darkness – that she carried it inside of her. Felicity didn’t seem as broken as he was, and she had every reason to be. How could she be the source of such light in his life with this horrific experience in her past?

Digg took one step toward her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Felicity reached up and grabbed his hand, which she knew was a sign of solidarity, comfort and support. He was there for her, always. Without words he communicated his love and provided her with strength.

Oliver spoke “Felicity, I am so sorry. I had no idea.”

“No, of course you didn’t Oliver. I never said anything to anyone on purpose – I didn’t want you or Digg to know. When people find out you had a baby at 18 you get a certain look. Sort of a ‘oh you must not be very bright’ look. It doesn’t matter that you had just finished your sophomore year at MIT. Then when people find out you were involved in a car accident that took the lives of your husband and child a week before you were set to graduate first in your class – well then you get an entirely different look. I couldn’t stand that second look. The one that said ‘Oh poor tragic sad Felicity’. It was a look which ensured that I could never be anything more than the moment when I lost everything. The moment when pain and loss took over my life and I felt like nothing good would ever happen. I did not want that moment to define me forever. If I couldn’t die, and believe me I considered it, I wanted a life with purpose and meaning. I couldn’t live in the darkness, I couldn’t live in that moment. It would have consumed me. You both helped me, without even knowing it, get beyond that place.” Digg squeezed her shoulder.

“How did you go on? How did you move forward without being completely broken?” Oliver was asking because he needed to know it was possible. He needed to know how he could do it.

Felicity got up and moved over to sit on the couch with Oliver next to her and Diggle sitting across from her in the chair. She wanted to sit as she told them the story that she had fought so hard to keep hidden. 

“I met Carter Hudson our sophomore year of high school. I was two years younger than everyone else in our grade because I had skipped ahead in elementary school. A benefit of being a child genius, they didn’t make me go to each grade in elementary school. We were both on the varsity lacrosse teams as sophomores, which was a pretty big deal. Don’t look at me like that John Diggle, I was an athlete and I played lacrosse. I was also in the IT club. I was in both the nerd world and the jock world. Carter and I became friends first and then slowly we became more. He was like my Laurel. We dated on and off for the next two years. I went away to MIT and dated other guys, but no one came close to Carter. I missed him. When I came home after my first year at MIT we were inseparable over the summer. Carter transferred to Boston College in the fall. I was pregnant by Halloween. I turned 18 in May and became a mother in June. Lillianna was born on June 22nd. I had never been as nervous as I was when they first handed her to me in the hospital. How was I supposed to be someone’s mother? I was still a kid myself. Carter convinced me we would do just fine and he was right. We moved in together and arranged our schedules so that neither of us missed any classes. Carter’s parents helped out financially, they had a good bit of money. Not Queen kind of money, but more money than the Smoaks would ever see. Lilli was the best behaved baby. She was so happy and content she loved everyone and everyone loved her. She was so happy just being with us. We could both study and maintain our grades. On Lilli’s first birthday Carter asked me to marry him. We were married at the Courthouse in July. Lilli grew so fast. She was so smart. She could speak in complete sentences and was potty trained by the time she was 18 months old. Do you want to see her picture?”

“Yes” Oliver and Diggle both answered as Felicity went to her desk and brought back her tablet. Felicity pulled up a photo of a little girl with light brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her eyes were as bright and blue as Felicity’s eyes. She had a look that just captured your attention, as if what she said had just been incredibly profound. Felicity spoke as her finger traced the face in the photo “She was so beautiful.” A tear drop fell and landed on the screen. All Oliver and Diggle could do was agree, because it was true. Felicity then showed them another picture of her daughter but this time with a man who was obviously her father. Lilli looked more like him than Felicity. “This is my favorite picture of Carter and Lilli together. It was taken the day they died. They looked so much alike.” The tears were flowing from her eyes again and Oliver just wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head to rest on his shoulder and began to speak again.

“We were coming home from an awards banquet for the top graduates at the local colleges. Both Carter and I were being honored. It was 4:00 in the afternoon. I was driving and Lilli and Carter were both asleep. I had the green light and was the second car to start through the intersection. The delivery truck driver coming on the cross street did not stop for his red light. He never even tapped the breaks. He hit our car broadside. When I woke up all I could feel was pain and all I could smell was blood mixed with gasoline. I looked to my right and everything was wrong. We were upside down. I could tell Carter was not doing well. His face was full of pain and his skin an odd gray color. He tried to comfort me and say he was okay, but the blood coming out of his mouth, nose, and ears, told me he was not fine. He coughed and covered me with a spray of blood. We both knew he wasn’t going to survive, he had massive internal injuries. He made me promise not to mourn him forever and to let love back in my life again for him. He said he couldn’t stand the idea that what he loved most about me, who I was, would forever be changed because of him. He asked about Lilli. I turned to see her, and I will never forget that sight. She was looking at me with those beautiful eyes, but she was covered in her own blood. There was so much blood, she had a head wound, but a piece of metal which must have entered the car from somewhere else, was sticking out of her tiny chest. Her breaths were shallow and spaced out. She was looking at something that I couldn’t see. She was smiling and not crying, it had to be painful. My girl, she didn’t cry. I knew in my heart that she was not going to make it either. I was going to be left alone. To bring Carter comfort, I chose not to tell him the truth. My last conversation with my husband, although for noble reasons, was a lie. I told him that Lilli was going to be fine. I did not want his last moments on this Earth to be mourning our daughter. He had a look of relief and peace. He would be reunited with her soon enough. My life, as I had known it, ended that day. I just didn’t get the release of death. “ Felicity shifted her position to pull her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. 

“I watched Carter die. His breath slowed and his eyes closed. He looked like he was sleeping, but he would never wake. Just like that, I was a widow. Then it was Lilli’s turn to go. I held my daughter as she took her first breath and I held her hand as she took her last. In an odd way it was beautiful to me to have been present for both. I couldn’t get out of my seatbelt, but I could reach her hand. Almost two years before they had placed her in my arms and I wondered how I would ever be able fit a baby into my life, that day I just wondered how would I ever live without her? You know that there is no word to describe what you are when your child dies, like widow or orphan – I suspect that is because losing a child is just too awful to name. My child was gone and just like that I was no longer a mother. Only I was still a mother, I just had no one to be a mother to. I had to wait what seemed like an eternity in that car with my dead family. I kept passing in and out of consciousness and I prayed for death. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole, but I wasn’t that lucky. Thankfully I passed out one final time. I woke up again two days later. They had taken me to the hospital where I stayed for three weeks to recover from my own injuries, which were severe but I suspect they just kept me heavily sedated because it was the humane thing to do. I wasn’t recovering because I had no will to live. They say I almost died several time, but I didn’t. God didn’t have that much mercy on me. I missed graduation and I didn’t get to go to Carter and Lilli’s funerals. Our friends said they were very moving. They were laid to rest in the same coffin. “ Her eyes were dry now. She had cried all the tears she could cry on this subject for the evening. Oliver and Diggle were silent because they just didn’t know what to say. They both had reached out to her and she stood up and walked away with her arms still wrapped around her middle.  
“He was drunk. At 4:00 in the afternoon the driver of that delivery truck was intoxicated at over twice nearly three times the legal limit. They had a corporate party of some type. The driver was drunk and they sent him out on a rush delivery anyway. My life was shattered and blown apart because someone needed a package and the company didn’t want to lose the delivery fee. I sued the delivery company. I didn’t want any money but I needed a purpose for my life. I threw everything I had into that case. I gathered data and statistics. We settled for $50 million. My husband was worth $20 million, my daughter was worth $18 million, and I got $12 million for myself. My whole world was worth $50 million. I never spent a dime of that money.” 

“I am so so sorry Felicity.” Diggle said. He had tears in his eyes as he said the words and Felicity had to turn away because if she saw that man, who had been her rock, shed tears for her, she was going to lose it again, and she could not go there. She had to likewise look away from Oliver who had a tear streaming down his cheek.

“Thank you.” Felicity’s voice was breaking.

“Felicity I am speechless right now. You always do so much for all of us. I never knew – I never even suspected. You are amazing.” Oliver pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her temple. Amazing how she had gone from the one comforting to the one being comforted. Oliver always found a way to turn it back to him taking care of others. “Thank you for trusting us with your past. I didn’t know. Certain things make a little more sense now – your life your choice. How strong you are -- No wonder you laughed at me when I insisted on trying to protect you. I am sorry, I didn’t understand you better. I am not sure if what you had to live through wasn’t worse than the lsland.”

“Oliver this was never about who had more pain in their past. We all have a history with our own pain. You, me, and Digg. There is no contest and there are no winners, only losers really. Digg had his time in Afghanistan only to come back and have to endure Andy’s murder. You spent five years on an island battling for your life. I have spent five years fighting for my life right here in Starling City. I could not let the darkness which had infected and overwhelmed my life, control me anymore. My life has to have purpose and meaning for Carter and Lilli. I have to live a life worthy of them. I have no husband but I am still a wife. I have no child but I am still a mother. You and Digg have helped me by becoming my new family and helping me bring honor my family.”

“Felicity, you would make anyone proud. You are amazing. You’re irreplaceable on our team.” Digg stood pulled her into a hug. 

Oliver wanted to know more. “How do you go on without letting the dark brokenness overwhelm your life?” 

“At first I ran – I spent a long time drunk, hoping to forget. I threw myself into the lawsuit and when it was over I didn’t know what to do. I decided I needed to get as far away from Boston as possible. I applied for the job at QC and I was hired. I moved and decided that it was a fresh start for me. I wanted to go somewhere that I had anonymity. I had to be away from those who had known me previously. Then, I simply made the decision that I would not let the darkness win anymore because that wasn’t what I wanted for my life. Not anymore. It wasn’t what Carter or Lilli would want for me either. I was so angry with God for the longest time. I questioned why this happened? How could He let this happen to me? Then I realized that God didn’t let this happen to me. The man who made a decision to drink too much and get behind the wheel on that fateful day – he changed the course of my life. There was still good in the world. There was still a plan and purpose for my life. Besides, if my life didn’t take that terrible turn, I would not have met you and Digg. I would not be able to help you bring justice and peace to Starling City. I am making a difference I never imagined possible. I know that if Carter or Lilli were alive today, they would be proud of me. That sustains me. I have to look for the good and not focus on the bad. I believe you find what you seek. Some days I have a hard time getting out of bed, but what is the alternative? Can I really give up? If I give up, who lives for Carter and Lilli? ” 

“I guess I never thought to just choose to not focus on the negative things.” 

“Oliver, I have to believe in the goodness in this world and beyond. There has to be more than here, or else what is the point of it all? There has to be good against which to measure evil. I need to believe that I am going to be reunited with Carter and Lilli at some point. I choose to focus on the joy they brought to me during the time they were in my life vs. focusing on the pain of their absence. Their lives were a gift and I was blessed to be a part of it, no matter how brief. If I only focus on the loss I have denied myself the gift of their lives that I was given. Sometimes the sadness seems so overwhelming that I am not certain I can even breathe, and then I think how lucky I was to know their love in the first place. Some people go their whole lives without loving or being loved the way I was already. I know if you think about the relationship you had with your mother the good times out number the bad. She loved you Oliver, so fiercely. She made bad decisions for good reasons. The fact that you will mourn her absence is a testament to how much you loved her. Just like you were able to continue your life, your mission, after your father’s death, you will continue without your mother. You will live a life to honor her. You will remember her in your life. Your childhood. Your return to Starling City. You will focus on those memories. A lifetime – not a single night. How someone died is not as important as how they lived.”

Oliver didn’t run. He stayed that night at the Foundry with Felicity. They slept on the couch leaning on one another, as they so often do while they are awake.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought it would be interesting if Felicity had a secret child in her past too. Sorry it was so depressing.


End file.
